By Aaron Jankowski
It was supposed to be so easy.
The Artist was going to sweep the big awards and the technical awards were going to be evenly spread out amongst a bunch of worthy candidates.
We made picks using our own insights, insights of other reviewers and general buzz around the Internet.
As all the celebrities arrived on the red carpet, and Tom Gunn commented on their dresses and suits, I sat back with my Tim Horton’s coffee and timbits, looking over my Oscar picks, and I felt confident.
I couldn’t decide with George was going to win best actor or not and I thought that was my biggest concern.
Then the show started.
Spoofing the top films of the year is par for course; it was going to be done whether it was Billy Crystal, Eddie Murphy or even Paris Hilton hosting. This, I understand. But when the spoof ended and Billy broke out into song and dance and not excellent, well timed and hilarious Hugh Jackman song and dance either, the 84th Academy Awards started off on a low note. Sadly, it was going to get a lot worse before it got better.
It didn’t take very long for SpeedrocketENT to look like a bunch of stooges.
And the award goes to...Hugo!
And the award goes to...Hugo!
And the award goes to...Hugo!
Blah. Blah. Blah. FUCK!
Once it was clear our picks were going down the drain, it was time to just sit back and enjoy the show, and after having a few days to digest it, there was more to enjoy then there was to hate.
I was not a fan of Billy Crystal, at all. He had some genuine laughs, because the man is funny, and given four hours and all of Hollywood to riff on, even I am bound to make at least one good joke. That said, even though Crystal had way more misses then he did hits, he still came out of the night hitting at least .300.
Without a doubt, the presentation highlight of the evening, for me, was ... No, not Jolie’s leg ... It was Will Ferrell and Zach Galifianakis, (or Zatch Galimakis). I have a soft spot for their brand of humour that will never die. It also helped that they awarded Brett Mckenzie, another hilarious human being, his Oscar.
Emma Stone and Ben Stiller were classic. Especially since Stiller’s antics have been the absolute shittiest part of the past few Oscar shows.
Ok, I’ll fess up; I also have a huge crush on Ms. Stone.
As a Canadian, and a big fan of him personally, it was amazing seeing Christopher Plummer win Best Supporting Actor for Beginners (review up soon!)
Plummer, who is only two years younger than the Oscars themselves, has long been over due for a win, and showed so much passion and grace in his acceptance speech. Sure, it helped that I picked him to win it.
When it came to the big five categories, we at speedrocketENT did pretty good, between us, we went 4 for five, only miscuing on Best Supporting Actress, as we over looked Octavia Spencer’s performance in The Help.
Yes, we are basking in picking the sexy categories right because we sucked it up hard in the meat and potatoes of the awards.
All in all, the show wasn’t a complete waste of my time, but it wasn’t the most exciting. I would have liked to see a more edgy host. Crystal played it safe, and ended up looking like an even less funny Jay Leno. I was waiting for him to start reading hilarious newspaper headline errors.
I was upset I hadn’t seen Hugo going into the awards, because I can’t fairly comment on its worth, but I am so pleased I saw The Artist. That said: I was disappointed I saw it after I placed my bet on George Clooney for Best Actor. Had I waited a few hours before submitting my picks, I would have beaten Scotty in the office pick’em, and would be enjoying a free Cornerstone coffee next time I am his way.
Live and learn I suppose!
TAKE AWAY THOUGHT: Why not let SpeedrocketENT host next year’s Oscars? I’m picturing Steve Martin, Alec Baldwin chemistry. Tune into our second podcast to hear more thoughts on the Oscars and more.
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